so, indeed, I must have something to say. but not really. it's magically ambiguous!

...honestly, i don't really have anything to say right now...later perhaps, but not now.

You are feeling exhausted, worn out, drained. You feel that far too much is being asked of you but you still want to overcome these difficulties and establish yourself despite the effect such an effort seems to have on you. You are a proud person, assertive most of the time, but at this particular moment you are acting as if you have become resigned to the situation. What you need is some tender loving care - a gentle pat on the head (or maybe a 'kick-up-the backside' and then you'll be raring to go.

Always anxious to accept the role of the leader, as indeed you often work well with people - but try to stay out of the limelight. You'd like a life of ease with no one to rock the boat and someone who understands you is so important in your life.

You honestly believe that your hopes and ideas are realistic, but there seems to be no one around to give you the necessary reassurance and encouragement. You are egocentric. You believe that you are always 'right' - well maybe you are but you have a short fuse and are likely to take offence for the slightest reason.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You are trying to build up your own position and you resist all external influences. You insist that you are your own person and you will not tolerate any outside interference. Decisive and proud, you are true managerial material.

-hmm..alot of this is plausible. though I don't really see myself as an egotist, or egocentric..I'm quite aware I'm not always right.

everything i put up is in some type of unfinished-ness..just so I dont have to repeat it in everything. aye then.

-for anyone who's bothered to ever visit my page..if ya don't really care, don't bother reading. I'm bored..so you can't expect interesting things-

yo.
My name is James. I'm 22 years old, and currently taking time off from classes to sort and correct parts of my life that have gotten unruly, and overall, bad. Before taking said break though, I attended a college in New York state (they shall remain nameless to protect them from embarrassment) for upwards of four and a half years..nine semesters...and successfully fucked up every single one of those semesters with mediocre or just downright missing work and projects (Well, except for one semester..I got a 3.5 ...woo).
I attended said college to learn the in's and out's of Computer Graphics, having the stupid notion that one day I too could help make those oh-so pretty games for consoles and pc's that would help bring out the inner most wild imaginations of players all around the world..apparently, this job is noted as "code monkey", and is therefore pointless as something to aspire to. One of my teachers told me that..that I was aiming too low..sucks for me I guess.
Well after all said and done, I know close to nothing about digital illustrative programs, such as Photoshop; I know a little more than nothing about 3D programs, such as Maya and 3d Studio Max; and, I in fact know nothing about editing programs.
I also know nothing of timing, animation, or anything else that would make me any kind of asset to the CG world or in fact the regular world itself.

Others I know though have been far luckier. A friend of mine (again, nameless to provide aninimity from my failure) in fact works for this very site, and seems to thoroughly enjoy it. He, and his art, is something I've come to envy. Though that's not so odd really...I'd give near anything to have 1/10th the ability of some of the fantastic artists on this site. It won't happen though...it just isn't in the cards.

I've tried to figure out how things can work out so differently from one person to the next, with one going on to success and the other proceeding down the road of self-defeat. The only true thing I've found is that I've no one to blame but myself.

So, when I say this, I truly mean it from the bottom of my heart, as I always have....
fuck. me.

k. I'm done.